MONEY DOWN THE SHITTER

Last night after work Fettit and I were discussing finances and he took from his pocket $400 in various denominations and placed it on the coffee table. We then went out for drinks and dinner at our favorite Mexican cantina.

When we returned home our friends Steven and Josh (you may remember them from videos) were waiting for us for an evening dip in the pool.

We talked and laughed in the pool, as we always do ,and finally Fettit got tired and went to bed. Steven, Josh and I stayed in for another 30 minutes or so before getting out.

After I finished drying myself I entered the darkened house and stepped on a piece of paper so I leaned over and picked it up and was instantly mortified.

I hadn't stepped on a random piece of paper, it was half of a $5 bill and as I looked around there was more money on the floor.

I must have let out a sound of anguish or something because Steven and Josh opened the door and inquired why I had yelled so I pointed to the money covered floor and explained to them that $400 of the mortgage was ripped up on the floor.

While we were enjoying ourselves in the pool our obnoxious steel-gutted puppy had had a field-day.

The three of us then scoured the house for pieces and remnants of 100s, 50s, 20s, 10s and 5s.

In the end I found a $100 bill completely intact and various pieces of other bills cut in half or thirds that I was able to match together; however, the total of all the salvageable bills was only $125.

There are missing halves of another $75 and two $100 bills were missing completely.

Steven and Josh left shaking their heads and laughing their asses off. I on the other hand was terrified because I knew Fettit would wake up in the morning and I would have to tell him what Kitty (the puppy) had done.

An hour or so ago I got up and went into the house and found Fettit and broke the news of our disappearing mortgage payment.

At first he wanted to kill Kitty but cooler heads prevailed and now he is making jokes about it.

And now we wait...