Saturday, May 31, 2008

Wigs, Wine and Wilderness

Memeorial Day weekend started out as a nightmare.

After sitting on an airplane for far too long and waiting around LAX overnight I arrived in New York's JFK airport 15 hours late.  I took a car over to Matt's apartment and then we drove north to Woodstock to celebrate Dean's 40th birthday. 

Trying to get back to Phoenix was just as eventful.

Wigs, Wine and Winderness - Wonderful

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


Tomorrow night at this time a new American Idol will be announced and although it isn't as important as the election of a new president, another of my favorite subjects, it is fun and a big deal in television land - and I am calling the competition in favor of David Archuleta, but it represents more than a talent competition.

For me, David represents all the hopes and dreams of every talented young man and woman with a dream. Whether the desire is to be the greatest new singing discovery in the country, a phemon basketball player, or the countries next great scientist, watching his rise to prominence reminds me of my younger self - filled with hopes, dreams and aspirations.

When he walks on the stage and opens his mouth to sing I am reminded of another starry-eyed talented young man who was never encouraged, nor discouraged, who lacked the requisite drive and confidence to achieve such heights, and the flood gates are opened, flashing back to what might have been.

Much has been said and written regarding David's ever present father, calling him a svengali monster who wheedles and controls his son's every move, but he is no different then the millions of fathers who push and belittle their sons during little league or high school football?

Being interested and invested in the success of your child, even if it occasionally crosses the line, increases a child's confidence and is worlds better than indifference and apathy.

My personal American idol, Barbra Streisand, has credited her mother's indifference and lack of encouragement with pushing her to achieve her successes, but I think that it is evident by the reputation many hold of her, that regardless of her mother's apathy, she possesses a strong sense of self and an innate will and drive and would have been as hugely successful

Most children are not as lucky as Miss Streisand. They don't inherently understand their power and talent, and many aren't nurtured and encouraged, at home or school, and therefore their talent goes unchecked and unnoticed.

I never understood the importance of sports until I got older, but now I recognize the innumerable benefits. Among others attributes, athletics, as well as many other competitive activities, boost a child's confidence and instill an understanding of team work, as well as help with goal setting and pushing limits.

I was not especially athletic, although I could hold my own on a tennis court, but it was not compulsory for me to engage in athletic endeavors. I didn't have parents who pushed me to excel musically, academically, or athletically.

At home, my school grades were never much of a topic of conversation. I coasted through school with average grades, excelling in the subjects that fit my interests and ignoring, or barely passing, those that I found arduous.

I always knew I was loved, but whether because of apathy, neglect, indifference or absence, no one ever sat me down or showed interest. Unlike David Archuleta, no once pushed, encouraged, demanded or berated me in any direction.

This reminds me though of an amusing story...

When I was younger, maybe 17, my grandmother wrote me a letter, one I think I still have to this day, or at least I hope I do, and in the letter tells me if I worked hard someday I could be the president of the United States. She also wrote that I would probably have to run against the Kennedy boy (John-John) but that she believed I could beat him.

One of the ironic aspects of that story is that although my family believed in the successes that came from hard work, there was never a roadmap of how to achieve accomplishment – whether it was in the form of education or the encouragement to develop any particular talent.

Working long and difficult shifts at a factory can feed and clothe a family, and even lead one to being comfortable in life, but it can’t lead to greatness or the presidency.

How did they, or grandma in this instance, think that I would achieve greatness? By working at Kellogg’s? From factory worker to president in an instant.

There was never a genuine discussion about my future, and the hollow encouragement I received didn't lead to the presidency, or a recording studio or a contagious disease lab. I deeply love my family but I am stupefied by what they thought me and my siblings would realistically do with our lives.

Experiencing this made me realize that parents need to explore, encourage, push, and even demand, the most from their children. When a child whines about having to read a book, write a thank you note, swim a lap, or play the flute, it is a parent's job to find a way to hearten, stimulate, persuade, or cajole.

I applaud the support, encouragement and the rumored authoritative stand David Archuleta’s dad has taken. It is obvious he is proud of his son, values his talent, and has striven to help him achieve his success.

In my estimation, anything less is neglect!

Saturday, May 17, 2008


Today is a significant day.

Twenty-four years ago today Fettit and I met and began our life together. I was a staff sergeant in the Air Force stationed at K I Sawyer Air Force Base, and newly separated from my wife, and Fettit was just finishing up his junior year at Northern Michigan University in Marquette, MI, a small college town situated on the shores of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee - Lake Superior.

We were children then - although I had children - I was not quite 23 years old and Fettit was just shy of his 21st birthday.

Our relationship has seen many incarnations in those years - from lover to friend to brother and partner. Partner, not in the typical sense, but I guess we have created an entirely new stratum.

We are lovers who lived as a couple for almost five years and then went on with our lives - others came and went but never stuck - but we continually stayed in contact, even through all of his breakups and my relocations, to reunite as friends and brothers off and on throughout the years. Today we have lived as non-sexual partners for over four years.

We live a life dedicated to each other without the customary obligations of coupling (never again). We love and are committed to each other and live our lives in a distinctively original style that society does not have a classification.

Today signifies a celebration of longevity without the societally mandated constraints and entanglements of being a committed couple.

That is why calling today our anniversary is inaccurate, and tonight while at dinner the Wiley-Conforti's coined a new term - Antiversary.

But we are a family, and my now grown children jokingly refer to Fettit as their Step Mommy on occasion(that is an entirely separate entry), and he is most assuredly one of Noelle's favorite people - she loves her Papa.

Fettit has been a member of my family since day one, included in all family celebrations and activities - well there was the unfortunate incident when my mother called him the little princess - but that was years ago - and he is embraced and acknowledged as an embedded part of our immediate tribe.

We will receive no cards or gifts for our milestone, but in my heart, and hopefully in Fettit's, there is an understanding of love and acceptance, and gratitude for the deication and perseverance, and most assuredly patience, in getting us to this point.

I have been blessed to have found someone who constantly makes me laugh, and by constant I mean endless and continuous, persistently keeps me on my toes, and who unequivocally loves my granddaughter and children, as only he can do.

Oh, and have I mentioned, he cooks like no bodies business!

Happy Antiversary Fettit - Breth-A-Whip!

Monday, May 12, 2008


Rosie O'Donnell's Rbloggers converged on the Big Apple this weekend to attend the City Center Encores' toe tapping version of No, No, Nanette.

From FAO Schwartz to the West Village and Joe Allen's to Central Park, Rbloggers were seen in every part of the island sporting their PEACE and LOVE t-shirts.

Traveling from throughout the country, this eclectic group of men and women, who share an admiration for Rosie O'Donnell, spent the weekend rubbing elbows with the likes of television's Sharon Gless and Frank Langela, not to mention O'Donnell herself, who hosted a meet and greet immediately after the curtain fell on Satuday night.

Welcomed by cheers and tears, O'Donnell took time to chat and sign autographs with each Rblogger, and even passed out backpacks filled with some of Rosie's favorite things.