SOME NAMES IN THE NEWS

ROMAN POLANSKI

There has been so much made of Roman Polanski's "capture" in Switzerland and I think who really cares? Put the criminal, who admitted to the crime a thousand years ago, in jail and let's move on. I don't care that he is a famous film-maker. You drug and rape a 13 year old, you go to jail.

DAVID LETTERMAN

So David Letterman slept with a few women who work for him - is he a congressmen, a senator or a member of the clergy? No, he is a comedian. The only person who should care about this is his wife. No one was forced to do anything - it is no one's business.

ELIZABETH TAYLOR

Phew, she isn't going to kill herself over the unexpected death of her friend Michael Jackson. Oh thank God! I feel so much better knowing that. I was really worried - pause - NOT! Does anyone really believe this crap that is put out there? Yes... I actually have had family members tell me things they have read in the tabloids as if real news.

Liz is having a little procedure on her heart to stop a leaky valve. Sounds like it is an old Cadillac or something.

MACKENZIE PHILLIPS

Mackenzie is a HOT MESS who needs to keep her mouth shut about the consensual sexual relationship she had with her father. It is distasteful and the only reason she wrote about it is because she needs the money.

After their initial encounter she could have called the police. She is just as much to blame as her drugged out father. It's gross and no one needs to hear about it.


TYLER PERRY

In anticipation of his (and Oprah's) new movie "Precious" which I can't wait to see, Tyler Perry is opening up about the abuse he suffered as a churrin. His father verbally and physically abused him. A male member of his church congregation molested him and a childhood friends' mother stuck a key in her snatch and made him retrieve it.

Why do I need to know these things? I do not need to know that his hand has been fishing keys outta cooch? So is this why you dress up as a 300 pound elderly black lady in all of your movies?

BROOKE SHIELDS AND JIM BELUSHI

I saw a headline today, "Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi unharmed in airplane mishap." It appears that an airplane carrying Brooke Shield and Jim Belushi rolled into an SUV - after it had landed and was um.... PARKED! The "incident" broke the side view mirror and scratched it vehicle. Everyone was unharmed.

It is a slow news day when this is being reported as news. I didn't call CNN on Saturday while working in my yard when I accidentally pushed my wheel barrel into the side of the house. No one was harmed.

Now, I do like Brooke (I was just commenting to Fettit this morning about how gorgeous she still looks in her eyelash growing commercial, but Jim Belushi? I don't care what happens to him. I do not think I have ever seen any of his work, and I doubt I am missing anything.

and Finally...........

DANCING WITH THE STARS

First I have to say, I am not a regular watcher of the show. I find most of it just foolishness, but last night there were two things on the show that kinda creeped me out.

After flamboyant judge Bruno Tonioli told Donny Osmond that his Rumba was "a bit Swan Lake," the toothsome, middle-aged, Mormon (read boring) man lunged at the judge and attempted to kiss him. Those Osmonds will do anything for votes and ratings. First Marie "passes out" and now Donny is embracing his "inner-homo" trying to play to the gay vote? Cheesey and a little yucky!

My other squeamish moment from Dancing With the Stars was THE ENTIRE TIME TOM DELAY WAS ON THE SCREEN. I had a trying time watching him. If his pathetic, "Oh, My feet hurt," or the motivating "my dad would never let me be a quitter," wasn't enough to turn me off, his Dentu-grip smile and the fact that I could actually smell his Drakar Noir through the television certainly did. He looks like someone who would offer your three year old a piece of candy to sit on his lap and then "innocently" diddle her. YUCK! YUCK! YUCK!