I DREAMED A DREAM OF A DAY YET TO COME

I just woke up from a dream and I had to share it....

It was a typical sunny May afternoon in Times Square, New York City.

Impatient taxi cab drivers were shouting from their windows and honking their horns. Street vendors were selling their t-shirts and roasted nuts, and a long haired cowboy in underwear was strumming his guitar, without getting much attention from the crowd.

Tourists from all over the world were crowding the sidewalks along Broadway, gazing up at the latest risqué Calvin Klein billboard, moving like a giant machine with many opposing parts, yet in harmony - each part focused on its own specific task without taking notice of the others.

A classic New York City scene, and then, as if upon command, the crowd stopped and parted, and from within, a small but boisterous group emerged, unaware of their surroundings.

Each member was wielding at least one camera - some had two or three. Most were packing small handheld video cameras and they were snapping pictures and taking movies like Japanese tourists at the Grand Canyon.

Stunned by the small cluster’s complete and total oblivion, the crowd fell silent and watched in confusion as screams of joy and surprise bounced off the soaring structures and neon lit signs above.

There did not appear to be a connected conversion between anyone in the animated group, and the onlookers stood stupefied watching the sidewalk circus.

Sunglass hawkers and book vendors that line the edge of the side walk stood on tiptoes to get a glimpse and small children tugged at their parents' pant legs to get attention and were promptly placed on adult shoulders.

Among the bemused mass of observers was a man of considerable age - grayed, wrinkled and slightly stooped. Like the rest of the audience, he watched the unfolding walkway assemblage for what seemed liked minutes, but was more like seconds.

“Not your typical Midwest tourists visiting New York,” he thought, “are they street performance artists?”

He observed their brightly colored t-shirts – vivid shades of yellow and green, as well as some light blues, heather reds and grays. Several shirts were adorned with slogans - PEACE, LOVE, and RBloggers4Peace, and some were wearing unsightly, vibrant pink sandals on their feet.

If not street performers, he thought, perhaps anti-war demonstrators, but he wasn’t convinced because he had never heard of camera sporting demonstrators, and they most certainly were not hammy enough – they did not notice the crowd had frozen around them.

The shouting within the group continued out of control – getting louder and louder and there was some unintentional pushing and shoving as each member vied for the best shot.

It was virtually impossible to concentrate on what any one person was saying and much to the surprise of the elderly man; he noticed not a single camera was pointed up at the marquees and signs overhead. Every camera was aimed within the group.

Finally, feeling fearless, and curious to learn more about the disruptive troupe, the elderly gentleman took a step closer toward the chaos.

He found it nearly impossible to decode a single word there were saying with all the shouts and squeals, but he stayed focused. Concentrating all his energy, slowly, individual voices become more distinct and clear.

“Niecey, come do a vlog with me.” Sounding almost pornographic the aged eavesdropper nearly stepped back into the fold of the crowd, but curiosity got the better of him.

“Bobby, turn this way. Kelly, look into the camera.” The old man looked in their direction and thought maybe it was a group of Broadway actors – they surely had the looks.

“Michele, will you please get out of the way. I’m trying to shoot Liz. No, No Liz, look at me.” He peered at who he believed to be Liz and Michele. He could not take his eyes from Liz’s statuesque exquisiteness and Michele’s beautifully shy smile. Certainly they are stars, he thought to himself.

“Tammy, stop slobbering all over Gpawilli – you too Meli.” Feeling a little envious of the good-looking bald man, he briefly considered what it would be like to have those two lovely ladies ravishing him in the same manner.

“M, move your glass of Jack. I can’t see your face. Kim, will you please tell M to move that glass.” The observer was entranced. Who was this mysterious M and what powers did Kim have over her? Another fleeting thought was, is that Jack Daniels in that huge glass, and is it legal to drink on the corner of Broadway and 45th St? .

“Gia, come stand by me.” He noticed many people yelling for Gia and he could understand why, her entire body appeared to be silhouetted by a halo of yellow.

“Are you talking Kelly G or Kelly W?” He overheard someone ask. There seemed to be some confusion among the group - they acted like they know each other, but possibly did not. Someone quickly gestured for both Kellys to make their presence known and he noted their different, but shared beauty.

“Karen, move your head a bit this way?’ The interloper recognized Karen to be a striking woman who possessed both warmth and understanding – another crowd favorite.

“Gary, where is Patty?” Believing he had a fuller understanding of this roving band of misguided misfits, the man concluded that Gary must be some sort of organizer, and he also wondered about Patty, and what wonderful gifts she must bring to the group.

“Kari…Kat, grab your Flips and let’s go in there.” Bobby was pointing directly in front of him - to the one remaining adult oriented establishment in Times Square. The two ladies, deep in a frenetic conversation, stopped for a moment to see where he was pointing, and quickly returned to their voluble discussion. With a thunderous laugh Bobby continued, “but we can buy Jakie a gag gift or something he can hang in his new place, besides think of the Vlogging possibilities.” This was the second time the old guy had heard someone saying the word vlog. He didn’t know what it meant but it knew the word sounded vulgar to him.

“Tammy, I told you and Meli to leave poor Gpawilli alone.” Oh, to be that lucky Gpawilli fellow, the man thought.

Leaning too far in, the man lost his balance and fell into the theatrical throng of tourists, breaking the invisible wall between the watchers and the watched, and he was instantly overtaken by the masses.

“Mister, will you please take a picture of me and my friends," yelled Liz?

Before the brave stranger could utter a response, M gently, but firmly grabbed him by the hand, without spilling a drop of Jack, led him to the side, and directed him. The crowd parted and each member assembled, reconfigured, reassembled and posed for the photo.

The hi-jacked makeshift photographer took one picture and was descended upon like a lame wildebeest in the company of hungry lions. Hands, arms and cameras were flying everywhere. Ten, twenty, thirty camera wielding hands were wildly thrust in the daring outsider’s direction.

“Mine too please.”

“Over here Mister.”

“Will you please take one with my camera too, sir?”

Shouts, requests and orders were thrown at the commandeered man like he was a short order cook.

DING!

The group came together again and more photos were taken. They grouped and regrouped, arranged and rearranged and the photographer patiently snapped pictures until every individual had all the shots they wanted.

Another sidewalk spectator was recruited for the final shot which included the old man surrounded by all the beautiful ladies, with the men standing in the rear.

After numerous enthusiastic kisses on the cheek, firm handshakes and hugs, air kisses and shouts of thank you and goodbye, the group started moving north on Broadway.

The enraptured crowd stood around nervously, unsure if they should applaud, eventually disengaged from the action and enveloped the loud group who disappeared as fast as they appeared.

In their dust stood the benevolent widower, with a knowing smile on his face, pondering what he had just experienced, until, like a sledgehammer to the head it hit him that he had failed to ask who they were, where they came from or what they were doing in the city.

It didn’t matter.

Wrapped in the warmth of their joyfulness and noticeable appreciation, he too stepped into the crowd and made his journey home.

Several hours later, as he was sitting in his favorite chair, absentmindedly watching as Larry King butchered another interview on CNN, and assessing his day, he realized that he had not stopped smiling since his encounter with the crazy group of strangers. It had filled him with more pleasure than he would ever be able to convey to his friends when he later retold the story, but deep down he was still disappointed that he failed to inquire about their mission in the city.

Just then his companion Sam, a 13 year old beagle, walked over to his chair with his leash in his mouth. It was time for their late night walk.

It was well past midnight and the crowds on the street had thinned considerably as the tourists and Broadway audiences moved on to their homes, hotels, or other parts of the city.

Rounding the corner by the New York City Center he was astounded to see a large crowd was still gathered. Had a tour bus forgotten to pick up its passengers, he thought.

The closer he approached he started to hear loud enthusiastic voices and with each step the voices became familiar, as did the faces.

He instantly recognized Gary, and Bobby, as well as Michele, Liz, Karen, Niecey, Gia, Kat and Kari, and the Kellys. M and Kim were there and M had replaced her glass of Jack with Kim’s hand, and there was Tammy and Meli, with Gpawilli stuck in between.

There was one other face in the crowd that looked very familiar, but he could not get a good look because she was being swarmed by the masses so he continued to walk closer.

When he was within a few feet of the group, they turned in unison and he was met with shouts and screams of recognition. Each of the girls kissed him on the cheek again, and the men hugged him like he was family.

Liz and one of the Kellys excitedly yelled, “We were just telling…”but they were cut off. From within the group stepped the unfamiliar, yet very familiar face.

Extending her hand, she said, “You must be the wonderful man that I was just hearing about. You helped make the Rblogger’s day one they will never forget. You are very kind. Thank you, sir. What is your name?”

“No need to thank me Rosie,” he said, “My name is Edward and I must thank them. They made an old man very happy today.”

“Well Edward, these are the RBloggers. They are a ragtag group of strangers-friends from around the country who came together over the past year and annoy their families and friends by spending far too much time visiting my website and talking to each other online. They carry Flip video recorders everywhere they go and spontaneously record themselves doing almost anything, and they all traveled here tonight to see me in No No Nanette, and you helped make their visit very memorable.”

With a full heart, he nodded his head and said, “Rosie, congratulation on the show, and you and your adoring RBloggers are very welcome.”

Edward then turned and slowly walked into the night with his old friend Sam, leaving the enthusiastic crowd behind.

He continued to hear their enthusiastic sounds of happiness, appreciation, adoration and joy - not just while he walked away – they rang in his heart the rest of his life.

The above was unknowingly inspired by Meli... Thank you

EASTER TWO YEARS AGO ON THE BIG ARON

Two years ago, during my brief residence in Fort Lauderdale, I went to Key West with my friend Antonio for the Easter weekend. We drove down on Friday and returned home on Sunday.

That Saturday was memorable because we were invited (and acepted) to visit Antonio's friends, Daniel and Tais, on their 153 foot luxury yacht, "Big Aron," which was anchored several hundred feet of the shore.

Antonio is Brazilian and knows Daniel and Tais from Rio de Janero, and his hometown of Port Alegre, Brazil.

I spent the entire glorious day chain smoking cigarettes, guzzling dom perignon (my guess is we went through at least two cases for maybe six people), grazing on delicious food, and trying to understand my new friends' Portuguese conversation.

For most of the day we were on the top deck - talking, laughing, eating and drinking, and then after a full tour of the yacht, we went down below to one of the lower level aft decks for lunch.

Lunch consisted of a green salad which was followed by a mouth watering lobster and shrimp, grilled to perfection.

Along with Daniel and Tais, there were two other couples on the yacht, including Adriana, a big Brazilian movie star who wore a barely there string bikini. There was also a staff of 10: the captain, Daniel's personal chef, four deck hands and 4 others who constantly circulated around us, refilling drinks, emptying ashtrays and bringing us food.

Antonio was helpful translating the conversation, and Tais, who spoke some English, graciously tried to include me in the conversation, which centered on the topic of sex, penis size, and more sex.

Oh the rich.....

The above pictures are some that I found on the internet because my pictures of that day, and I have many, are being held hostage in my old laptop which has died. One of these days I will retrieve them an make a real movie of that amazing day.

.... and this year I think I will be spending it at the ballpark.

IF I WERE A TERRORIST

Simple and to the point.

WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!

DUTCH TO LEGALIZE SEX IN PUBLIC PARKS, HUH?

First there was the De Wallen (The Red Light District)and then the "Coffeeshops." Now uber-liberal Amsterdam has decriminalize consensual sex in it's most popular park - Vondelpark.

In the world of bizarre, but real news, I found the following article on Telegraph.co.uk:

DUTCH TO LEGALISE GAY SEX IN PUBLIC PARK

Dutch council officials will permit gay sex in public areas but fine dog owners who let their pets off the leash in Amsterdam's Vondelpark.

Paul van Grieken, an Alderman in the Oud-Zuid district of the city, has startled many Amsterdammers, despite their famously liberal attitudes, with plans to allow public sex as part of this summer's new rules of conduct for the country's best-known park.

"Why should we try to impose something that is actually impossible to impose, which also causes little bother for others and for a certain group actually means much pleasure?", he said.

Amsterdam's beautiful Vondelpark in the centre of city draws hordes of summer visitors, families, skaters and joggers.

But the park's rose garden has become famous as a trysting spot for gay men looking for uncomplicated sexual encounters.

Mr van Grieken stresses that tolerance to "cruising" gays, aimed at protecting homosexuals from violence, will have "strict rules attached".

"Thus, condoms must always be cleared away, it must never take place in the neighbourhood of children's playgrounds and the sex must be restricted to the evening and night-time," he said.

The new park rules have the blessing of the Dutch police, who have urged all Dutch parks to follow Amsterdam's lead.

But Amsterdam's dog owners are less impressed. The new park code of conduct will set out stiff fines for dogs that are allowed to run around the Vondelpark off the leash.
"Research showed that many people find this disturbing," said Mr van Grieken.

But Amsterdam's dog owners are less impressed. The new park code of conduct will set out stiff fines for dogs that are allowed to run around the Vondelpark off the leash.

"Research showed that many people find this disturbing," said Mr van Grieken.

One dog owner protested: "As long as the park has existed, we've been allowed to let our dogs run freely. It's outrageous that we will be punished from now on but public sex won't. If they can drop their trousers, why can't I let my dog loose?"

Screw your brains out, clean up after yourself but don't let your dog off the leash.

After reading the last paragraph I got a mental image of a man holding his leash-free dachshund in his arms while talking to the reporter. In the blurred background are a couple of guys going at it.

HAPPY 46TH BIRTHDAY ROSIE

The RBloggers, in conjunction with a several celebrity types, wish Rosie O'Donnell a Happy 46th Birthday. How Kelly W, et al, pulled this together, I will never know.

The most preciousness happens at 6:25 in the video with Miss Noelle.

Happy Birthday Rosie

MAKE ROOM AT THE TABLE FOR ANOTHER JESUS LOVING HOMO HATING POLITICIAN

It is late and I am tired, but I had to post this clip...

Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern (sallykern@okhouse.gov) was tape recorded at a republican meeting ranting against the homosexual lifestyle. Unaware that she was being recorded she claimed the homosexual threat is more dangerous than terrorism.

People like this have no place in government. Do you think her words would have been different had she been aware that she was being recorded - of course!

Another closet bigot exposed, but we shouldn't be surprised. There are hundreds and thousands of people just like this small-hearted bible-beater who usually say these things only in the confines of their own homes, or within a group of like-minded hypocrites.

I was able to catch an interview on a Tulsa station where she did not deny making the remarks but contends the tape was manipulated to misrepresent what she said.

I think Ms. Kern, the wife of a Baptist minister, is now trying to manipulate the truth.

I hope this education advocate is not trying to teach our children to lie when caught!

THE RICHES - SEASON PREMIERE MARCH 18TH

My favorite series last year was The Riches on FX and the new season premieres March 18th.

The show is about living the American Dream, or more accurately, stealing the American Dream. In the vein of the 2002 movie "Catch Me If you Can" starting Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks, The Riches is a show about a family of grifters ("Travelers") who are involved in a deadly accident and decide to take over the lives of the deceased accident victims.

The characters are original and 3 dimensional, the writing refreshing and quirky, and the cast headed by Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver is brilliant.

Rent the first season now to be caught up in time for the March 18th premiere episode.

ELLEN SPEAKS UP

Ellen DeGeneres is one funny lady. I've always enjoyed her but unlike my pal Rosie O'Donnell she is rarely political, and at times that has bothered me.

When bad things happen to good people, or any people, it is often easier to ignore it, but it is rarely, if ever, the right thing to do. I believe it is the responsibility of those with a voice to defend those that are voiceless and often faceless.

Recently Ellen did just that and did the right thing. She gave a voice to a murdered 15 year old boy named Larry from Oxnard, CA. In doing so she also gave a voice to the thousands of other gay youth around the country who are spat upon, beaten-up, and verbally abused by their peers and others.

Ellen encouraged her viewers to find out the candidates' beliefs on gays and reconsider their votes when the candidates to not respect and value the contributions of all people.

Thank you to my dear friend, actually, my oldest friend, Ronda, who brough this clip to my attention.

Just Another Sunday Afternoon

Click to Play

For the past few weeks I have had several requests for the the rodeo video I promised from the AGRA rodeo held the weekend of January 19th and 20th, however, the problem is I never put it together. That charged today. This afternoon I took the time to go through the 1 1/2 hours worth of video, most of which was poorly shot or just plain horrible, and came up with this video.

Enjoy!

AN EVENING WITH LISA LAMPA-HOOHA

Beware - The following post contains material that may be offensive to some readers

Last night Fettit and I went to see Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean, the Insult Comic, Lisa Lampanelli at the Celebity Theater here in Phoenix.

We started the evening with a couple of cocktails at Josh and Steven’s house and were joined by Ray and Mark, and then we all rode together in one vehicle.

As we entered the building, about an hour before the show’s scheduled start time, we were told Lisa was in the theater doing a meet and greet and signing autographs. So we got in line and ordered drinks prior to going into the theater.

After recovering from the cocktail sticker shock(the drinks were something like $425), we headed into the theater to find our seats, and to possibly get a glimpse of the Lisa...who wasn’t difficult to find. She was sitting at a table at the end of a “buy my crap” line. On the wall above her there were baseball caps, girly t-shirts and g-strings. People were taking pictures and talking with her as they filed past.

We made our way over to her and stood observing about 5 feet from her. After a few minutes, and cocktail emboldened, I decided to approach, but the “buy my crap line” was too long and I didn’t want to stand in it. A second later, I realized that there was no one near her, so I made my move. Instead of going to the end of the line I just walked straight up to her and as I was approaching she immediately started with the “here come the queers lines.”

I introduced myself and told her how much I enjoyed her and she started spouting off the "queer this and big girl that" comments.

I told her that we play her video at parties and get-togethers to which she mentioned something about the homos loving her and then I told her that I went online some months back and requested she come to Phoenix. To this she snidely yelled, “So it’s your fault I am here in Phoenix.”

I told her the weather is perfect today and she smiled and agreed about the weather, and called me a fucking homo. I then asked her if she was staying for the weekend and she barked, "Are you fucking kiddin me... I'm outta here is three hours."

Sensing my time was limited, I thanked her for coming, kissed her on the cheek and walked away. Well actually, I would have stayed and talked to her longer, but her security guard thought I was stalking her and he escorted me away from her.

It wasn’t like there was anyone immediately behind me waiting for an autograph or anything.

Afterwards I regretted not taking a photograph with her to post here (just like I forgot to do when I met Rosie O'Donnell). My friends encouraged me to go back and get one, but the moment had passed - it didn't feel organic. Instead I stewed about it until I got my second $375 cocktail.

The show started 30 minutes late and there were two female comics who opened the show. They weren’t very memorable so I can't tell you either of their names.

The first one did a couple of funny Home Depot/Black and Decker/softball/lesbian jokes.

All I remember about the second one was her ugly dress.

Then Lisa came out and started with her familiar humor. Through the evening she maligned the Mexicans and berated the blacks. She bashed the old bastards, criticized the cripples, and enflamed the faggots (rattling off an endless list of gay monikers). Leaving no stone unturned, or ethnic, religious, or sexual abomination untouched, she harassed the Hebes, carped about cunts and assaulted Asians and Arabs. No one was off-limits and no subject taboo.

She slammed television-titan Oprah, telling the crowd it was time she just “licked Gail.” She also ranted about the oral sex, uncircumsized penises, sex with black men, and the celebrity roasts for Pamela Anderson and Flavor Flav.

At one point she was in the audience talking to a “white devil” when some guy behind her tried lifting up her dress. Staying in control, she soundly beat the guy with her microphone and continued on like nothing had happened.

She did not disappoint - she was offensive and loud and just what the crowd came to see. I’d go see her again and again.

I will end now with one of her jokes…

A little boy is in the bathtub with his little sister and he asks his father, “What is that between her legs?” To which the father replies, “That is where the angel split her with the golden ax.”

Astonished, the little boy says, “Wow... he must have perfect aim because he hit her right in the cunt.”

THE END!

TONIGHT IN PHOENIX - LISA LAMPANELLI

Tonight a group of us are going to see "The Insult Comic" Lisa Lampanelli at the Celebrity Theater here is Phoenix. This woman is too damn funny. Watch this short video of her if you are not easily offended and can take a funny joke or two.

I previously mentioned Lisa Lampanelli back on September 10th, 2007. She cracks me up and we watch the DVD of her show everytime someone comes over who hasn't seen it, hell, we've taken it to Josh and Steven's twice so they could show it to people.

That is how funny she is!